Written by Bryce Kaye, PhD
To Help Your Marriage:
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- Use the on-line diagnostic tools and see which syndromes apply to your marriage. Pay particular attention to a) the Emotional Starvation Syndrome, b) the Pursuer - Evader Syndrome and c) the Delinquent Helper Syndrome. Ask your spouse to read the same and discuss the reading to reach a consensus.
- Both of you need to read chapters 1 through 4 of the main book below. It's complex reading but it's the best synopsis of what really goes on in relationships. You may want to print out these pages to make your reading easier.
- If your marriage suffers from Emotional Starvation Syndrome, then study chapter 4 in the main book and set up regular weekly "connection" times for you and your spouse. Use the exercises in chapter 4 to re-ignite emotional intimacy. If you have problems, then read chapters 5 and 7.
- If your marriage suffers from Pursuer - Evader Syndrome, then study chapter 8 diligently. Both you and your spouse will need to practice the "When and Where Rule" and especially the micro-corrections exercise. The latter exercise has restored passion for many Raleigh and Cary couples by removing covert inhibition. However, the process requires about 6 weeks of diligent practice.
- If your marriage suffers from Delinquent Helper Syndrome, then read chapter 10 and go through the procedure for re-negotiating "ownership" of responsibilities to replace "helpership."
- Read the rest of the main book if you desire to learn about other subtle problems and their solutions. You can also read the on-line advice given to others about other types of marriage problems.
Foreword & Instructions
Diagnostics (Learn to recognize syndromes)
Explanations ( Access through Diagnostics)
Interventions (Access through Diagnostics)
? Q & A Forum - See most recent Q & A advice given for various relationship problems.
? Q & A By Topic - Review past Q & A advice, indexed according to topic area.
Captain Bryce Kaye is a U.S. Coast Guard licensed merchant marine officer with a masters level certification. In addition to his land-based marriage counseling for New Bern, Kinston and Havelock residents, read about Dr. Kaye's unique service in Oriental, NC that offers a highly personalized marriage counseling cruise. You and your partner can be counseled by Dr. Kaye on how to improve your relationship while you sail to lovely destinations on the rivers and sounds of North Carolina.
Read about our private marriage counseling retreats . Each couples counseling retreat takes place on a 7 day nautical odyssey. Learn how our private couples counseling retreats employ a very unique strategy.
Follow Bryce and Helen Kaye's running blog about their own love odyssey of 29 years.
- For more in-depth understanding, read these chapters from Dr. Kaye's book "The Marriage First Aid Kit":
Just a few words about how and why I wrote this book.
Chapter 1 - The Great "No No"
This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to improve an intimate relationship.
Chapter 2 - The Structure of Vital Relationships
Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. This chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.
Chapter 3 - Balance and Paradox
A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.
Chapter 4 - Nurturing Healthy Attachments
Relationships must be fed. Itís not enough just to feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.
Chapter 5 - Love's Hidden Assassin
A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection.
Chapter 6 - The Other Usual Suspects
This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.
Chapter 7 - Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self
If youíre starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself thatís going dormant.
Chapter 8 - Defending Autonomy
This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.
Chapter 9 - Managing Conflict
This chapter describes different types of constructive and destructive conflict. Strategies are outlined for managing each.
Chapter 10 - Sharing Power and Responsibility
This chapter provides some useful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws.
Chapter 11 - Great Sex!
This chapter describes psychological elements of great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.
Chapter 12 - Mapping Your Strategy
This chapter discusses how to plan for change.
Chapter 13 - Conclusion
Addendum: Message to a Daughter
Click Here to read about our private couples counseling cruise at LoveOdyssey.net .
Click Here to read about our private marriage help cruise at LoveOdyssey.net .
Click Here to learn about the strategy behind our intensive marriage counseling cruise.
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